We’ve all dealt with a friend, child, family member, or co-worker who has a behavior or attitude that drives you crazy. Sometimes these behaviors and attitudes break policy or laws while other times they just bring negativity into the environment. Simply ignoring these annoyances is not the answer, especially if they reoccur on a regular basis. Addressing differences can be stressful, yet not addressing them can result in unproductive work environments, strained relationships, and many bad moods.
How you address behaviors and attitudes that ‘push your buttons’ is very important in gaining the outcomes you desire. Blaming language brings out defense mechanisms, often steering the conversation away from the concern. Avoid using the word “you”. “You” statements accuse actions, ideas, and people to be in the wrong. Blaming language not only takes longer to reach a resolution, it rarely makes a relationship stronger through the process.
Instead, use “I” statements. “I” statements keep your responses focused on how the concern affects you. Meanwhile, the other party will feel invited to explain how they are affected by the concern. “I” statements seek to understand and respect both party’s opinions and experiences. These types of conversations may provide values clarification, likely pointing towards a compromise that will benefit everyone.
Communicate with “I” Statements
- I feel: (label your feeling: betrayed, proud, anxious, vulnerable, etc…)
- When: (give specific example)
- Because: (briefly explain ‘why’)
- What I want/need is: (describe what would make you feel better)
By: Nora Rhoades
ather with family and close friends over the holidays, consider incorporating a time to discuss your advance health care directives. The resource, 
Brainy Babies in an interactive child + parent story hour for children birth through age 3. Through playful learning activities, each child and adult will grow and learn together. The interactive series encourages and stimulates learning while enhancing the relationship between adult and child. Brainy Babies programs are scheduled to take place at the public libraries in Kensington, Lincoln, and Sylvan Grove throughout the fall. The Post Rock District is also involved with the Sprouts 0-3 program at the Osborne library. For complete details about Brainy Babies visit:
As you find yourself indoors during the hottest hours of a summer day, pick up a book and enjoy active reading! Reading with a child or friend will keep both of your minds exploring new things and enhance relationships. As you dig into reading, check out this K-State Research and Extension resource to help make sure your time is filled with quality learning experiences and lots of fun!
